Three Months Old

Well Friday will mark Chloe's 3 month birthday.

During this time we have had an amazing time with our beautiful baby girl. She is growing every day and I am continually amazed by her and what she can do. Every new thing she learns and responds to is a joy for Shane and I.

Chloe now weighs 6.4kg and is 61cm long. She has grown 10cm and more than doubled her weight! So she is absolutely thriving, I am still amazed how she can grow so much just from me feeding her breast milk!

We have had a couple of adventures since she was born. We have had visits from Poppy, Aunty Kirsty and family, Aunty Amy and future Uncle Tones, Uncle Kim and Aunty Beth and Nanny Wendy. In late September we headed down to Ballina for cousin Freddy's Christening. Chloe met all her cousins on my side of the family and Uncle Daniel and Aunty Adele. She was also introduced to extended family, Vicky and John, Helen and Gary and Stacey. It was a great time, very exhausting but great to be around family. It was here that Daniel and Adele introduced me to the most amazing sleeping suit in the world, it has kept Chloe settled at nights and helps her sleep.

It has been an wonderful time but has gone so fast.

Thought I would take this opportunity to write down a few things that she now does:-

• Loves swinging in her Elmo swing and will fall asleep in it when tired;
• She smiles at everything, an amazingly happy baby. Her whole face lights up and she has the cutest dimples;
• Has almost started giggling, she lets out a little squeal occasionally;
• Loves "this little piggy" and "round and round the garden", will smile and almost giggle;
• Holds her head up very well, still occasionally it gets a bit heavy for her;
• Does not like tummy time;
• Is still sleeping in her bassinet beside our bed, mostly for convenience for night time feeding;
• Has slept up to 8.5 hrs at night in her small sleep suit;
• Wakes up every 4-5 hrs when sleeping in her bigger sleep suit;
• Likes to feed regularly during the day, especially in this heat;
• Likes the mobile in her cot and smiles at it, am currently familiarising her with her cot as she gets freaked out in unfamiliar areas;
• Likes a light on when we sleep, she sleeps much better;
• Takes a couple of hours to settle at night time;
  
• Is an absolute treasure and a very placid baby.

Well there are a few things about our little Chloe. We very much are in love with our baby girl.

She is growing so quickly and I am loving every minute of being her mum!

Introducing Chloe Mary Burgin

So our little bundle of joy has arrived, early, but here safe and sound!

On Thursday 28 July, I was 36 weeks and 1 day pregnant. I set off for work as usual, however this day was different as I was set to head down to Ballina that afternoon for a long weekend to be with my family for mum's anniversary on 29 July.

I went to work for a couple of hours but also had a hospital appointment that morning. I went to the hospital appointment, unfortunately Shane was unable to attend as he was working. At the appointment the doctor conducted the usual checks but thought the baby was not in the right position, so did a scan to confirm her position. It was discovered that the baby was breech and I was informed that I would have to make a decision whether to try and turn the baby or have a caesarian. I was extremely upset by this and spoke to the doctor about the options. I decided to wait to make the decision until I had discussed it with Shane and my doctor the following Monday.

I told the doctor I was meant to be heading to Ballina for the weekend and she told me that it should be ok but if anything happened I was to contact the local hospital immediately and inform them that the baby was breech.

I left the hospital completely devastated and extremely emotional. Not only had my hopes of having a natural birth started to diminish, I was of course pregnant and mum's anniversary was the next day so I was naturally extremely upset. I spoke with my dad and sister Kirsty who reassured me that everything would be ok. I again was unable to speak with Shane cause he was at work but sent him a message letting him know she was breech.

I went back to work and told my staff what had happened, as I had been 2 hours at the hospital. Half an hour after I returned to work about 11.30am, I went to the photocopier to pick up a form to email to a customer and as I was returning to my desk....I heard a pop and next thing fluid rushed down my leg. Yes, it was that dramatic - movie style waters breaking. I remember saying "Oh shit, I think my waters just broke"! I don't think everyone believed me at first but quickly everyone jumped into action. I refused to move as I didn't want to leak everywhere.

I contacted the hospital and was informed I was to go straight to the hospital. I contacted Shane and then my dad and Kirsty. I remember saying to my staff, "well looks like I am having a caesarian, the decision has been taken out of m hands". One of my staff, Michelle, drove me to the hospital, as Shane's boss wouldn't let him leave straight away (that is a story for another day!)

Just after 12pm I arrived at the hospital and they took me straight to the birthing suite. The baby and I were monitored and then examined. I started having contractions around 12.15pm and they were 3minutes apart. I was informed that they would prep me for surgery and I would be having the caesarian at 2.00pm. The contractions continued but before I knew it I was headed into surgery and being given an epidural. The whole time I kept saying to the staff "I've never been to hospital, can you explain why you are doing that?"

Before too long, at 2.41pm our beautiful little Chloe Mary was born. She is absolutely gorgeous and both Shane and I fell in love with her immediately. She weighed 2.92kg, was 50cm long and 35cm head.

We have had a lot of visitors and support over the last few weeks. Thank you to everyone who has sent us messages, advice, cards and presents to welcome our little girl into the world.

She is almost 3 weeks old now and we are getting into a routine, we could not ask for a more wonderful little girl. We are both so happy and proud of our little girl.

The Saddest Week....

Coming up to the anniversary of the saddest week of my life, its so hard not to think about what went on during that time.

Looking back over the last week and what happened is something I need to write down.

I remember the first morning I woke up after mum and dad had arrived in Brisbane, it was a Monday and I was heading off to work. I came out of my bedroom and found mum in the cold and dark playing with her iphone. She was sitting there so quietly, she hadn't been able to sleep well in the bed, it was uncomfortable and I hadn't shown her how to turn on the heating and tv - I quickly showed her how but felt so bad seeing her sit in the dark and all alone. I headed back to work and to a million and one questions.

The next morning I woke up but mum was still in bed, she had her gyno-oncologist appointment that day and Kim and Beth were arriving to see her that day. I again headed off to work. I came home to the news that the specialist would be admitting mum to hospital the next day (also that Kim and Beth had managed to drink the specialist fees in coffee - he apparently had an awesome coffee machine in the waiting room - big mistake!)

So Wednesday 21 July my mummy was admitted to hospital - before she went into hospital Kim, Beth and dad took her down to the waters edge and park near my place (I remember her telling me she didn't realise how close we were to the water and she thought it was fantastic), she loved the water and sadly this was her last outing. After I finished work I went to the hospital and spent some time with mum, at 8pm visiting hours were over and I took dad back home.

The next couple of days were filled with tests for mum to try and determine were exactly the cancer was. The good thing was that she was finally put on a drip. My days were spent taking dad to the hospital in the morning, spending some time with mum, going to work and heading back to the hospital after work to spend more time with my mummy. I am so lucky I had this time with her, that I live where I live so I could have the ability to be with her and have a place for dad to stay.

On Friday Daniel and Adele and Amy turned up in Brisbane, after a long week (with Kirsty) of packing up mum and dad's house in Charters Towers. It was great to see them, Daniel and Adele also ended up staying at our place during this time. Amy stayed and took dad home from the hospital that night.

Saturday Amy took dad to the hospital and ended up going back to Ballina, we had to bring Miss Molly to the hospital so she could take her home. I remember calling Amy to make sure she was ready to head back home, she was so sad at the time. When we arrived at the hospital I ran in to make sure she was ok and met her half way - I tried to reassure her that it was all going to be ok - I later found out mum had spoken with Amy about how she thought this was the end.

Daniel, Adele and I went up to spend some time with mum and dad. After awhile mum started to get a bit funny - turns out she was worried that we were bored and she felt bad that we were hanging around. We ended up going to the South Bank markets and got lollies and some lunch. We returned to the hospital and spent some more time with her. It was all too much for her so we ended up going home.

My friends Danni and Sam came around that night to see how we were doing - it was great to see them. We cooked a bbq and potato bake - unfortunately the smell of the garlic in the potato bake was not good for mum when dad and I turned up to see her the next day.

Mum again got overwhelmed by me hanging at the hospital with dad and I ended up leaving again - all I wanted was to spend time with her but she was so exhausted and sick. Every day I would turn up at the hospital just hoping that she would be feeling better, isn't that what they do at hospitals make you feel better but that never happened. She continued to be sick and tired and not be able to sleep. We tried to get her everything we could to make her more comfortable but nothing seemed to work - yet I was still in denial - she would still fight this and she would be ok - that's my mum, she's a fighter - had been her whole life!

Then it was work time again, heading back to work, I still believed everything would be ok - she was in hospital and they would fix her. The hospital stopped doing tests and started discussing possible treatments - whether they could treat her or not.

On Tuesday I went shopping for mum to get her some more tops for the pj's I'd got her over the weekend. I finished work and headed back to the hospital. I remember coming out of the lift and Daniel and Adele were in the waiting area, waiting for me. I didn't think anything of it at the time but they walked with me to mum's room - I went in there and started talking about my day and what I had got for mum. Then all of a sudden my world again came to a tumbling halt - mum and dad told me that the specialists believed that she may have only a couple of days left, maybe a couple of weeks. I was devastated, everyone one was in a disbelief. It was a very sad realisation, that we could be loosing her.

It was that night that dad had to make the phone calls to all my siblings to let them know and that it may be a good idea to make their ways to Brisbane. I remember just sitting with him while he made the calls. It was just so sad, it breaks my heart to recall those devastating moments.

5 weeks to go....

For so long, it felt like it was so far away, now it is just over one month to go until our little girl will be with us.

It is a crazy time, filled with mixed emotions - excitement and happiness, fear and dread for the impending labour, its like a roller-coaster. I still feel like there is so much to do and that I will never be prepared for this little person to be so reliant on me and Shane. This is NOT helped by the fact I keep having these dreams that I keep forgetting I have a baby, yikes, could be awkward!

Although I had the best dream the other night - my birth plan went to plan - I woke up one day and couldn't remember being in labour but the baby had arrived - yes, my TOTALLY realistic birth plan is that the baby just appears - I miss labour all together!

Thought I would also take this opportunity to share a couple of updated pregnancy shots - some taken by my awesome sister while down in Ballina - yes she is amazing! And then there is just the most recent one taken on my iphone, after a looooonnnng week of work! Yes I still have 5 weeks of work to go - working right up till the end, all going well, so I can make the most of my leave with the baby!

The Start of "Twelve Months Today"......

So twelve months today I received that phone call that changed my life forever, in the worst possible way, when I spoke with mum and found out she had cancer. The last thing I ever thought when I received that call that we would only have 19 more days with our mummy ever, it was the beginning of the end. I still recall vividly how the world felt like it had been pulled out beneath me when I heard that word "cancer" and then followed by "mastercised".

I was completely devastated and my world was turned upside down....how can it already be 12 months since this has all happened?

So I've taken this opportunity to write down more of what happened during those last 19 days with the most amazing lady in the world. We had managed to discuss after we arrived the fact that dad and mum were going to pack up and move back to Ballina, they would get treatment for mum in Brisbane, which would require them moving in with Shane and I during this time. The plan was set and whatever it took, we would get mum some treatment!

The Monday was mum and dad's 35th wedding anniversary. At this time, I believe they had only told us kids about the cancer. I remember reading on Facebook dad's beautiful message to mum particularly where he wrote something along the lines of 'happy 35th wedding anniversary, looking forward to another 35 wonderful years together'. It made me sad at the time course of the circumstances but was so beautiful to read. I only wish they had had more time together.

That morning dad headed off to work, to tell his work colleagues about mums cancer and to basically quit the most amazing job he had in a long time. He loved this job, the people and the place. Amy and I decided to meet him down at the library and take them morning tea before the library opened.

When we arrived dad took us on a tour of the most amazing refurbished old pub building and introduced us to his staff. He informed us that he had spoken with his staff and that he would be home shortly, as they were letting him go home for the day!

That afternoon mum and dad took us up to the lookout at Charters Towers so we could feed the rock wallabies. It was one of the things mum used to love doing at Charters. At Ballina she loved watching the water and whales, in Charters it was going up to the lookout and feeding the rock wallabies.

Despite how sick she was, she wanted to take us up to the lookout. We were lucky enough to take some amazing photos, this is the last photos I have with my mummy and she looks so happy even though she was so sick. I will treasure these photos forever, just happy and enjoying life.

The Tuesday I remember taking mum to Sullivan Nicholaides to get blood tests done, while mum was in the room I broke down again. I managed to pull myself together just in time for mum to come out of the room. We headed back home.

On Wednesday we took mum up to the hospital for some more tests. She requested that they give her some more saline but they did not. It was very difficult for her to keep anything down food or water. At this stage she was getting sicker each day, I kept thinking that tomorrow she will have a "good" day, that never happened. By Wednesday afternoon mum basically demanded fluids.

Dad and Amy took her up to the hospital, at this stage dad phoned her doctor in Ballina to let him know what was happening and the state mum was in. He told dad to get her to the nearest regional hospital so they could get her stabilised with fluids etc.

They drove to the Charters Towers hospital and pretty much demanded something be done. I remember dad telling us that the doctor said "if you had private health insurance we could do something faster". I can only imagine dad's look of horror as he would have turned to them and said "we have health insurance, no one has asked us if we have it, do something".

They then drove all the way to Townsville, mum was seen by a gyno-oncologist. They got a referral to see a specialist down in Brisbane. Mum was given fluids and they set off back to Charters Towers. They arrived home and we started planning. An appointment was made for mum to see the gyn-oncologist on the following Tuesday.

Thursday and Friday flew by. Friday night we had this buffet Chinese dinner which was delicious.

During Thursday and Friday it was decided that mum and dad would fly down on the Sunday, I managed to get a flight back on the Saturday (so I could make space for my new roomies) and Kirsty and Amy would stay in Charters Towers to pack up the house. Daniel and Adele also made their way up to Charters Towers to help pack up the house.

The Saturday came and Amy and Kirsty drove me to Townsville. In our usual style we managed to fit in some shopping before I had a go at Amy - it had been a stressful week and I was so freaked out about getting to my flight on time, we did not know where the airport was - I arrived at the airport with 30 minutes before my flight departed - soz Amy!

I arrived home safely to my amazing husband and started reorganising the house so mum and dad would feel more comfortable and have their own space.

During this week my sisters and I managed to shop at every single store in Charters Towers, not that there are many stores there but we bought everything we could for our mum! We enjoyed taking home presents for her, she was way too sick to actually go with us and I think slightly enjoyed the small amount of time we gave her alone - we can be a little overwhelming at times!

On Sunday afternoon I went to the airport and picked up mum and dad. I met them at the gates, mum was in a wheel chair looking very fragile. However, she still managed to have a bit of a joke, while mum and dad were at the Townsville airport they had seen the whole of the Cowboys football team, we joked that it would have been the perfect opportunity for her to get all of their signatures, a sick lady in a wheel chair, how could they have refused!?!?!

During this time, mum managed to keep up her sense of humour, she was an amazing lady who we all love and adore.

So today is the start of a lot of reminiscing and remember the many "twelve months today" that will occur over the next 19 days. As I write this I remember this time twelve months ago I had quickly packed a bag of clothes and my wonderful husband was driving me up to my sister's house in Mundubbera. I can only thank God that we made the decision to head up to Charters Towers and be with my mummy and daddy during this time, I have these memories and a few photos that I will treasure forever. The time I spent with them during these last days will never be forgotten!

Third Trimester....on the downhill run

So I am now in my third trimester, all is going well at the moment. Only 12 weeks to go, yikes! There is so much to do and so little time, yet I am getting bigger and much slower, so it takes me forever to do anything, when I actually manage to have the energy to do anything!




I had another scan at around 20 weeks and they took thousands of measurements and everything was how it was meant to be. They found and measured everything that they should have, which was a big relief. We also found out we were having a little girl! Although, she was very modest at the time (which is a good thing for a little girl) it made it difficult for them to determine, two people had a look and both confirmed there was the "3 lines" which indicates girlie bits and not boy bits.

I have been feeling well since about 16 or 17 weeks. I had a good 10 weeks and have started getting very tired again. If I get too tired then I start to feel unwell again, so I have to start reducing my hours at work to the "normal" hours instead of doing 1-2 hours overtime each day.

I had my glucose test on Thursday, checking for gestational diabetes. Little BB enjoyed the sugary goodness of the glucose, about half hour after I had drunk it there was a lot of movement, I am thinking somersaults! I will get the results next Friday afternoon.

It has been a really interesting time for me. I am still in shock that there is a little person growing inside me and that this person will come to rely on me 100% in a few short months. It is all a bit surreal for me that I have this person inside me....I can only imagine how difficult it is for Shane to try and comprehend.

I felt the baby move for the first time on 29 March around 9pm(I remember the date cause it was 8 months and about 1 hour after mum passed away, those dates just stick with you). I had just gone to bed and settled down and felt a light fluttering in my belly that went on and off for about half an hour.

Shane felt the baby move for the first time on Easter Monday. I had seen my belly move when I was at dads for the Easter long weekend and knew he would be able to feel it. I drove home Easter Monday and she started moving when I went to bed. So I came out to the lounge room (Shane was still up) and sat down but she stopped moving, so after about half hour of nothing I went back to bed. Shane came to bed a little while later and while I was lying the
re she started moving again.

I grabbed his hand and placed it on my belly and he felt her move. It was a nice moment, sitting there for about a minute and then after awhile, Shane did an aliens impersonation which made me laugh and the movement was gone.

I have to admit, I don't know what I would have done without my husband over the last 5 months, he has been amazing. He hasn't stopped cooking, cleaning and helping me up, lol! He has been there for me throughout everything, including those emotional days, stupid pregnancy hormones! I love him soooo much!

It has also been a time of great sadness for me. I feel like I am missing out on a huge part of the whole pregnancy experience, sharing this moment with my mummy! It is so hard because I know she would have played a huge part in my pregnancy. She would have been so excited and come shopping with me and it would have been such a fun thing. I know she would have ensured that I knew what was going on, that I had everything I need. I feel like I have no idea about all this mother type stuff, the stuff she knew so well and was amazing at.

At the moment I am relying a lot on books to find out all those little things that I know mum would have prepared me for. I have been blessed with a knowledgeable sister, Kirsty and a wonderful friend, Mandy! I am so lucky, not only will I have my amazing husband Shane with me when our baby is born but Kirsty will be there as well. She will be the brains of the event, having been in this situation previously herself. She is even coming down next weekend to attend our antenatal class with Shane and I. I am lucky to have these amazing people around me!

Mandy has been amazing, ensuring I have things like bio oil to prevent my stretch marks, breast pads in my bag in case I start leaking early, showing me how to put together an electric breast pump, providing all those little things that I wouldn't have otherwise known. Mum was always so open with us about life and prepared us well but there are some things you just don't need to know until it happens.

I feel so sad that my mummy is not here for this, I feel very empty at times without her for this big event in my life. At times I just break down, I can't do this without her, I want my mummy. She should be here for this!

The trip to Charters Towers.....

So the last time I wrote about what happened with my mum I ended up being in Munduberra with my two sisters on our way to Charters Towers.

I don't think any of us slept well the night night before we left - I couldn't stop thinking not only about my husband driving all the way back to Brisbane but also what was going on with my mum. I didn't know how serious this all was, what was going to happen to my mum.

Well about 6am on the Sunday morning (11 July 2010) my sisters - Kirsty, Amy and I set off to find answers and give support to my mum and dad. I was camped out in the back seat and Kirsty and Amy took it in turns to drive. I hate driving but reassured both of them that if all of their arms fell off, I would drive!

It was a 10 hour drive filled with laughter (it is a Tyson coping mechanism), many tears, talk about what was happening, what would happen with our mum - I believe I also did an amazing rendition of "way out west" at a service station in the middle of nowhere, I may have embarrassed my sisters just a little bit.

After a long journey we finally managed to make our way to Charters Towers - admittedly it took us awhile to find mum and dads place - how you get lost in Charters Towers I don't know but we managed it (to call would have totally ruined any surprise and we learnt the art of surprise from our mum) - but we did get there eventually.

We pulled up out the front of the house and walked around the side towards the back, as we got to the back of the house dad was walking around the corner (to go feed the next door neighbours cat). I remember seeing the look of absolute shock and disbelief on his face, then him breaking down in tears - I think this was the first time I had ever really seen my dad really cry - he asked what we were doing here and we all responded that we had to be there. He pointed us to the back door and said mums inside.

I remember walking in the back door and seeing my mummy on the recliner looking so sick and her belly being so swollen. It took her a second or two but then she realised what was going on. She asked us what we were doing there but was happy to see us. We sat and talked for a while.

After a while, even in her unwell state, mum got up to show us around her new home - she took us on a tour of the yard - she walked so slowly and with such pain but still wanted to show off her place. She told us all about her neighbours and how lovely they were.

That afternoon I went with dad to take Molly for a walk. Kirsty and Amy stayed and spoke with mum. Dad was so happy we were there and so relieved to have us there. He said that he could tell she had picked up a bit just by seeing us. I remember having a talk with him about the prognosis (I was still so unsure of where things stood). He said it didn't look too good and hopefully we would have some answers in the coming days but he wanted to get mum down to Brisbane as soon as possible for treatment which meant they would be moving in with Shane and I for a while - I was happy to do what we could to help. The one thing I really remember was dad saying to me that the one thing mum hated the thought of was not meeting all her grandchildren or Amy's future husband.

When he said those words to me, it started to sink in the severity of the situation but it still had not completely sunk in. All I could think was my mum is a fighter, she will be fine and I honestly believed that for the next two and a half weeks right up until two hours before she passed away.

Our News.....

Just thought I would let everyone know that Shane and I are expecting our first child on 20 August this year. We are both very excited and nervous about bringing a new life into this world.

Although this is an unexpected surprise, we are both very happy to be blessed with the opportunity to have a baby of our own.

On Thursday I had the 12 week scan, which determines the likelihood of chromosomal diseases such as Downs Syndrome. We were told our risk was very low. All we can hope for now is a beautiful healthy baby.

BB (Baby Burgin) was not impressed with having to share space in me during the scan with my full bladder. I was allowed to release some of the fluid and it was absolutely amazing to see BB bounce around inside me. It was as though BB was going "yay, there is all this room now and I am going to use it all"!

It is so amazing to see this baby forming inside you. Even more amazing that at this stage, if I wasn't sick and tired all the time, I really wouldn't know anything was going on inside! It really is crazy how your body just knows how to make this baby and I don't have to do anything (I am really glad it hasn't asked me for instructions, he he he).

I would just like to show you a couple of photos of our baby and will keep you updated on the progress.