Sunday, July 24, 2011
The Saddest Week....
Coming up to the anniversary of the saddest week of my life, its so hard not to think about what went on during that time.
Looking back over the last week and what happened is something I need to write down.
I remember the first morning I woke up after mum and dad had arrived in Brisbane, it was a Monday and I was heading off to work. I came out of my bedroom and found mum in the cold and dark playing with her iphone. She was sitting there so quietly, she hadn't been able to sleep well in the bed, it was uncomfortable and I hadn't shown her how to turn on the heating and tv - I quickly showed her how but felt so bad seeing her sit in the dark and all alone. I headed back to work and to a million and one questions.
The next morning I woke up but mum was still in bed, she had her gyno-oncologist appointment that day and Kim and Beth were arriving to see her that day. I again headed off to work. I came home to the news that the specialist would be admitting mum to hospital the next day (also that Kim and Beth had managed to drink the specialist fees in coffee - he apparently had an awesome coffee machine in the waiting room - big mistake!)
So Wednesday 21 July my mummy was admitted to hospital - before she went into hospital Kim, Beth and dad took her down to the waters edge and park near my place (I remember her telling me she didn't realise how close we were to the water and she thought it was fantastic), she loved the water and sadly this was her last outing. After I finished work I went to the hospital and spent some time with mum, at 8pm visiting hours were over and I took dad back home.
The next couple of days were filled with tests for mum to try and determine were exactly the cancer was. The good thing was that she was finally put on a drip. My days were spent taking dad to the hospital in the morning, spending some time with mum, going to work and heading back to the hospital after work to spend more time with my mummy. I am so lucky I had this time with her, that I live where I live so I could have the ability to be with her and have a place for dad to stay.
On Friday Daniel and Adele and Amy turned up in Brisbane, after a long week (with Kirsty) of packing up mum and dad's house in Charters Towers. It was great to see them, Daniel and Adele also ended up staying at our place during this time. Amy stayed and took dad home from the hospital that night.
Saturday Amy took dad to the hospital and ended up going back to Ballina, we had to bring Miss Molly to the hospital so she could take her home. I remember calling Amy to make sure she was ready to head back home, she was so sad at the time. When we arrived at the hospital I ran in to make sure she was ok and met her half way - I tried to reassure her that it was all going to be ok - I later found out mum had spoken with Amy about how she thought this was the end.
Daniel, Adele and I went up to spend some time with mum and dad. After awhile mum started to get a bit funny - turns out she was worried that we were bored and she felt bad that we were hanging around. We ended up going to the South Bank markets and got lollies and some lunch. We returned to the hospital and spent some more time with her. It was all too much for her so we ended up going home.
My friends Danni and Sam came around that night to see how we were doing - it was great to see them. We cooked a bbq and potato bake - unfortunately the smell of the garlic in the potato bake was not good for mum when dad and I turned up to see her the next day.
Mum again got overwhelmed by me hanging at the hospital with dad and I ended up leaving again - all I wanted was to spend time with her but she was so exhausted and sick. Every day I would turn up at the hospital just hoping that she would be feeling better, isn't that what they do at hospitals make you feel better but that never happened. She continued to be sick and tired and not be able to sleep. We tried to get her everything we could to make her more comfortable but nothing seemed to work - yet I was still in denial - she would still fight this and she would be ok - that's my mum, she's a fighter - had been her whole life!
Then it was work time again, heading back to work, I still believed everything would be ok - she was in hospital and they would fix her. The hospital stopped doing tests and started discussing possible treatments - whether they could treat her or not.
On Tuesday I went shopping for mum to get her some more tops for the pj's I'd got her over the weekend. I finished work and headed back to the hospital. I remember coming out of the lift and Daniel and Adele were in the waiting area, waiting for me. I didn't think anything of it at the time but they walked with me to mum's room - I went in there and started talking about my day and what I had got for mum. Then all of a sudden my world again came to a tumbling halt - mum and dad told me that the specialists believed that she may have only a couple of days left, maybe a couple of weeks. I was devastated, everyone one was in a disbelief. It was a very sad realisation, that we could be loosing her.
It was that night that dad had to make the phone calls to all my siblings to let them know and that it may be a good idea to make their ways to Brisbane. I remember just sitting with him while he made the calls. It was just so sad, it breaks my heart to recall those devastating moments.