Clare's Blogg

My Blogg for my family and friends

Sunday, September 26, 2010

The Day that Changed my Life....

10 July 2010, is the day that changed my life forever and not in a good way. The day will stick in my mind as the second worse day of my life. It was the begining of 19 days of craziness, sadness and a great sense of family I knew our family already had!

Although this was the day, it all started much earlier. A couple of weeks after my mum moved up to Charters Towers to join my dad, she started feeling unwell! We all thought it was a bug mum had picked up or I really thought it was the stress release - you know after you have experienced a whole lot of stress and your body finally catches up with you when the stress goes, its not uncommon to get sick.

Anyway about 2 weeks prior to 10 July 2010, in fact around Sunday 27 June 2010, mum started having symptoms like a gastro bug. She just couldn't keep anything down and was quite unwell. Every time I called she had either been to the doctors, was at the chemist or too unwell to talk. Over the last 5.5 years, since her kidney transplant, whenever she got sick she would be sick for a long time and it would hang around because she was on immuno suppressant medication. I just thought it was one of those bugs that was hanging around.

On Friday night 9 July 2010, I received a text from my mummy saying "hey went n had a ct scan today n a ultrasound in Townsville. Still vomiting. Will let u know when I hear anything." Within seconds I was on the phone to mum, all I remember was asking "are they looking for anything in particular" and all mum responded was "yes". I asked "what are they looking for" and all she responded was that she didn't want to say anything until she had the test results which she expected to have mid next week. She told me that she had had a bad day and if she had a bad day tomorrow she would have to go back to the hospital for more saline. I tried to be positive and said that she probably just had a bad day cause she was nervous about the tests and she would be feeling better tomorrow.

After I got off the phone to her I burst into tears and was inconsolible. Shane just hugged me and asked what was wrong. We discussed the matter and came to the most logical conclusion that it was most likely mum's kidney was failing. I then rationalised that we had been through this before and we could do it again. I even joked that we had even more kidneys around than the last time mum needed a kidney...checking out Shane's kidneys saying I'd been fattening them up!

Saturday 10 July, I got up and met my friend Danni at the gym. She was having problems with her mum. I was going to mention how my mum was sick but thought no it'll be ok. I headed home, had a shower and headed into the CBD to get my hair done.

While I was at the hair dresser I received a text message from my sister, Kirsty, "Hey guys, just texted dad. Mum is in the hospital getting some more fluids, she can't keep anything down. Think she needs a few prayers!"

After my hair was done I had a few errands to do. Whilst I was wondering the city I received a phone call from my mummy, it was about 2.30pm. She asked if I was at home and I told her I was in the city I had just finished getting my hair done. She told me to give her a call when I got home. I asked her "don't you want to talk now" and she said "no", go home and be with Shane and call me.

I immediately knew I had to get home straight away, mum would always talk no matter where I was or what I was doing, I knew that my life was about to change dramatically and not for good! I rushed around the Myer Centre looking for the lift that I had come up in and couldn't find it. I chose another lift and turned out it didn't go to the carparks. I eventually found my way to my car.

The whole way home I knew my life would change with the next phone call I had to make. It was the longest 40 minutes of my life. I couldn't stop thinking, I again convinced myself it was kidney failure. I remember walking in the front door, normally when I walked in the door from getting my hair done Shane says (even though he doesn't see a difference in my hair) "nice hair baby". This day he looked at me and asked "what's wrong?".

I explained that I had to call mum, she wanted me to be home before she would talk to me. I called mum.

I don't recall alot from the conversation but I remember her trying to small talk at the beginning and all I said was how are you? She said she had been in hospital cause she hadn't been able to keep anything down and needed some saline. She then said she had got her test results back already. She then said she had "Cancer".

The words still ring in my head today. I just broke down, I couldn't believe it, they had to have it wrong. Mum then told me that they thought the primary cancer was ovarian cancer and the secondary was probably stomach cancer. She then said that it had mastercised. I did not know what this meant at the time but I knew it was not good. I now know how bad it was.

I remember asking how she was dealing with it and she said she was ok. I asked how dad was and she said not good, he cries alot.

I asked the standard questions what can we do, how are they going to treat it etc. but they didn't know a lot and they were going to do further tests the following week.

I got off the phone to mum and told Shane, I broke down again and was inconsolable again, I had never know this sort of saddness or heartache, I couldn't cope with this news, it was terrible. Shane just hugged me again and said that he wanted to get me up to Charter's Towers I needed to be with my family, and started looking for flights! Then I got a phone call from my two sister's, Amy and Kirsty who were hanging together at Kirsty's at the time. We talked about what we all had gotten out of our respective phone calls. What mum had and hadn't said. They told me they were heading to Charter's Towers first thing in the morning. We were all so sad and in disbelief.

I got off the phone and told Shane I had to go and be with my sisters, I didn't want to fly I had to be with them. I packed my bag in about 10 minutes. Phoned Allison, one of the partners from work who was absolutely distraught for me, I then emailed the rest of the partners and office manager. Shane then drove me up to Mundubbera. I remember crying most of the way. However, just before we go to Gympie I got a message from my sisters requesting cheeseburgers and junior burgers (something they couldn't get out in Mundubbera), this made me laugh and so Shane and I stopped at MacDonalds to get the appropriate supplies.

We finally got to Mundubbera about 9pm and I got t0 see my sisters. We spoke again about what we recalled from our phone calls from mum and cried together. It was so good to see them but was so sad. Shane headed back to Brisbane that night, amazing man, lucky he had been working nights recently and it was the middle of his day!

I didn't sleep much that night for a couple of reasons! Firstly waiting to hear from Shane that he got home ok but mostly going over everything in my head. What had just happened, what were we going through, what was lying ahead for us, why did my mummy have to go through yet another health issue? This was all so unfair!

These questions would all be answered in the coming days......this was only the beginning. We would all have to draw on our strength and strong family ties to get through this......

Sunday, September 19, 2010

My weekend....

So this weekend I spent a great weekend with my daddy, Amy, Kim and Bethy!

I left work at 4pm on Friday (one of the partners told me to leave so I could get down and see dad) and travelled down to see the gang! It took almost 3 hours to get there, school holidays started in Queensland, I think everyone was heading down to the Gold Coast!

After I finally arrived, dad and I headed to pick up some dinner! When we got home I had to finish my book, Tomorrow when the War began cause we were heading to the movies to see it on Saturday. Having already read it in Grade 10 at school, I still enjoyed the book.

So Saturday afternoon we headed off to the movies. We really enjoyed it, yes its an Aussie movie but was quite good, didn't drag on and was a bit of action involved! Dad and I had put on a slow cooker roast lamb before we went to the movies, so we came home to an awesome meal!

Today, Hellie and Garry met us at the Pelican for lunch then I headed home! Was a lovely weekend and so good to see my dad!

My daddy...I love him so much and it breaks my heart to see how sad and lonely he is. He is doing better but he has lost his BFF. He and mum did everything together. Everything reminds us of her and we wouldn't have it any other way. This was not how it was meant to be. They were meant to grow old together, have so many more adventures and live life to the full! It is so hard to understand why this has happened!

I love heading down to Ballina and spending time with dad and the faux family! I just wish I could be there more! It has been so hard on all of us! I miss my mummy so much, I still can't really comprehend she is not here! I will never get to see her, talk to her or hug her again!

So the reason I haven't blogged for a while, not just because I am new at this but because I have been putting off/avoiding what I really wanted to do this blog for....put down in writing what happened with my mummy!

As hard as it will be for me I want to put it down in writing before I forget what happened day by day in such a short time! I think it will be good for me as well as record it for my own benefit.

It will be hard and I will do it but maybe tomorrow!